When someone is having trouble with their mental health or Borderline Personality Disorder , they often don’t say anything. It may be especially true for people who suffer from a borderline personality disorder (BPD), as many grew up in abusive or invalidating circumstances that discouraged open communication.
Maybe you know deep down that you want to ask for love but don’t know-how, so you “test” people to see whether they care. Maybe you’re afraid that if you tell people about the storm of emotions rising inside you, they’ll abandon you. Perhaps you’re ashamed of your feelings and don’t want to confess that you have them.
There are various reasons why someone with Borderline Personality Disorder BPD could use “code words” to indicate that they require assistance. While we must talk about these code phrases to recognise people who are struggling, it’s equally critical to remember that direct communication is the best method to reach out to your loved ones if you need assistance. Dr April Foreman, a BPD expert, shared three helpful ideas to The Mighty on how to get needs met.
We asked our Borderline Personality Disorder community to share what they say to loved ones in times of need to find out the “code words” that imply “I need help.”
What they told us was as follows:
When someone is having trouble with their mental health, they often don’t say anything. It may be especially true for people who suffer from a borderline personality disorder (BPD), as many grew up in abusive or invalidating circumstances that discouraged open communication.
Maybe you know deep down that you want to ask for love but don’t know-how, so you “test” people to see whether they care. Maybe you’re afraid that if you tell people about the storm of emotions rising inside you, they’ll abandon you. Perhaps you’re ashamed of your feelings and don’t want to confess that you have them.
There are various reasons why someone with BPD could use “code words” to indicate that they require assistance. While we must talk about these code phrases to recognise people who are struggling, it’s equally critical to remember that direct communication is the best method to reach out to your loved ones if you need assistance. Dr April Foreman, a BPD expert, shared three helpful ideas to The Mighty on how to get needs met.
We asked our BPD community to share what they say to loved ones in times of need to find out the “code words” that imply “I need help.”
What they told us was as follows:
“I’m fine.”
“I become withdrawn, and my responses are typical ‘OK,’ ‘Sure,’ ‘Alrighty,’ and if someone asks, ‘Are you feeling OK?,’ my generic response is ‘I’m good,’ but all I want is to be hugged and assured it’s OK to feel the way I do.”
“‘I’m alright,’ she says Borderline Personality Disorder , ‘it’s just…’ That suggests I’m not in good shape. If I genuinely say I’m not OK, I’m not OK anymore, and I’m on the verge of collapsing.”
“I’m not feeling well.”
“‘I’m not feeling so well.’ If I had the nerve to say this, it means I have a storm of emotions raging inside of me, and I feel like if nobody takes me out of it right now, I’m going to lose it. My final cries for assistance before everything falls apart. People don’t always get it, which leads to crises… it makes me feel alone and as if no one will ever help me get over it. Like I can’t trust anyone because they’ll let me down when I’m in the most desperate need.”
“Whenever I’m in pain, I say, ‘I don’t feel good,’ but most people assume I’m referring to a physical ailment with Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s difficult when I don’t want to express myself directly but desperately want someone to comprehend what I’m saying.”
“I have no idea.”
“It typically means I’m feeling so many emotions with Borderline Personality Disorder that I don’t know which one is in charge, and I need a complete takeover at that point.” ‘I’m lost and bewildered. Please take care of me,’ I want to say.
“I’m sorry.”
“When I’m worry, I am sorry for the most.” I fell worry of losing someone, and of everything about myself and my life. ‘Please accept my apologies.’ Sorry for the inconvenience. ‘Please don’t toss me out.’
“I’m fine; I just have a headache.”
“I find myself repeating this a lot when someone realises my mood has sunk to divert attention away from the fact that I’m struggling.” My close friends and loved ones now understand this as code for me struggling, even if I don’t realise it myself, because I’ve done it so much.”
“I despise you.”
“I tell them I ‘detest’ them [or] ‘go out as soon as I split on them.” I’m shouting, ‘Help me in my thoughts, but my mouth is just spewing venom. When I need support the most, I sabotage myself. Just waiting for the next time makes me sick.
“Would you like to hang out?”
“It’s typically because I don’t want to be alone if I ask or try every day.
“‘Would anyone like to do anything?’ I usually don’t want to do anything and don’t have any plans; all I want to know is if anyone wants to do something with me.”
“I have a strange feeling…”
“‘My hands/arms feel strange,’ or ‘I don’t feel like my body belongs to me since I’m dissociating so much,’ I’m sure the remark will make everyone around me chuckle, making. I have a strange felling.
“‘I’m not feeling well.’ It’s the only thing that comes to mind while drowning in my thoughts. Fortunately, the people in my life have learned to act quickly when I say anything like this, so I don’t have a full-fledged breakdown.”
“All right.”
“When I don’t have the energy or room in my head to digest what people are saying to me/telling me/asking me, I just react with ‘OK.'”
“I’m not sure.”
“People ask me what’s wrong, I give answers this because I’m confused and can not control my emotions, and I need help.”
“I’ve had a lot on my plate.”
“I’ve just been so busy,” I explain, “because if I don’t give instances, I’m lying and isolating myself because I feel alone or unworthy of attention and affection.”
“I’m exhausted.”
“I tell my family and friends that I’m wary of being tired of myself — tired of over-feeling emotions, tired of making social and relationship mistakes, tired of making mistakes when I’m trying so hard to be good.” That is unmistakably my code for “I require assistance.”
“How are you doing?”
“‘How are you doing?’ ‘How are things in your life?’ To someone, I don’t see too often, in general. It’s my way of diverting my focus and establishing a new ‘normal.’
“I’m going to bed again.”
“‘I’m just going back to bed,’ she says. When I’m feeling numb, I say this. Sleeping resets everything, so when I’ve had enough, I say I’m going back to bed, but what I need is someone to distract me. Otherwise, I’ll lie awake for hours, overthinking and not sleeping.
“Perhaps I was born to be alone.”
“I say this to my significant other when I’m trying to lure him closer by pushing him away. I need him to tell me that I’m not alone and that he has no intention of abandoning me. Unfortunately, I say this while we’re bickering, and he’s worn out from my emotional roller coaster.”
“I’m so overwhelmed.”
“When I’m overloaded, I usually have a nervous breakdown.” I struggle to keep everything under control, and when something unexpected occurs, I am left with no resources and fall apart. It’s quite difficult for me to control that aspect of this beast.
